matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
