I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
