Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
