im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
only you would photoshop your dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
