I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
