saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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