i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
