Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
