My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
