fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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