she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
