the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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