omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
