After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
