Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
