I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
