is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
