you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
