he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My balls are so social today.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
