Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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