i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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