32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
