im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
