My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
