There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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