The best revenge is premature balding
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
