Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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