just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
