hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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