I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't turn off my feet"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
