Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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