And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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