I wish you could order shots online.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
