apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
