I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
