Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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