WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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