Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
