dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
