If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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