oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
