I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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