is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
