New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
