My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
