Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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