mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
