Having a random hookup so left but love u
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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