We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
