Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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