apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize