have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
